Oh yes, I have some unbelievable, freakish and abnormal phobias and those who know me well know the acute intensity of their grip over me. When you see me sweat like a pig, feel me tense up tightly like every single muscle in my body has frozen over, find me procrastinating in the most shameless manner or hear me screaming at the top of my lungs, you know I have come face to face with each one of the following 4 phobias respectively.
Machines: They Make Me Sweat Like A Pig
ATM Machines: Do They Really Make Life Easier
I hate machines, just about any machines actually… but the expresso making ones and the ATM banking ones are the worst (probably why I couldn’t make a full fledged career out at fast food joints or banks, I was too petrified to lay my eyes on them each day). I mean, aren’t ATM machines supposed to make life easier?
They do for most times, but there are definitely other instances where:
(i) I forget my pin and enter the wrong pin 3 times (which is very often actually, even the people at my bank know. In fact, there is a guy at my bank especially appointed to give me my personalized ‘reissue atm pin’ forms, a job he is very grateful to have in these times of economic uncertainty.)
(ii) It is an ‘only- withdrawals’ machine and I am trying to make a deposit (even if I choose the right machine, I am never quite at peace till I see that the money has actually gone in the right account, since I am very liable to make numerical errors. Additionally, there are just so many things to do on those stupid machines, how do I know what to do first, put in my money envelope or press that button which is blinking?)
(iii) It is a machine that actually eats up your card while you do your transaction and then spits it out when you’re done (these always have me worried on whether my card is really gonna come out or is it condemned to get stuck in there and get slowly digested by the machine’s gastric juices… an irrational but very real phobia).
Let’s just say that banking machines get me all clammy, sweaty and wet. I have to prepare myself mentally at least a day in advance before I can bring myself to use them. Whatever happened to the good old days where you just had to visit you friendly neighborhood bank, talk to the teller and execute your transaction with a smile on both faces?
Two Wheeler Driving On Wet Roads: This Makes Me Tense Up Like A Frozen Popsicle
How In The World Do People Do That?
How in the world do people do that, drive two-wheelers in the rain I mean? Aren’t they scared of skidding, slipping or worse? How do they manage balance and speed?
Well I confess, I wasn’t quite as bad before as I am now after having experienced one skidding accident, but as of now, I consider it complete insanity to get out on anything that does not have its own balance (like a car) when it rains.
Now, I am positively fearful of driving my Wego on wet roads, forget in the rain altogether. If I do find myself driving out on wet roads (and trust me, you be assured that it is definitely a calamity, a catastrophic emergency or simply the ‘end of the world’ that has driven me out), you will see me driving at record low speeds, speeds that are bound to have fellow road travelers cursing me at best or cutting me at worse. I tell you, one of these days, there is going to be murder on these roads. Someone is surely going to kill me I mean!
Indian Tea: This Makes Me Procrastinate In The Most Shameless Manner
Making Indian Tea With Milk And Sugar Sure Is Difficult!
I mean how in the world do all of these people get it right? Making Indian tea sure is difficult. I always find myself dragging my feet when required to make tea, actually a step up from the way I used to make ridiculous excuses a few years ago.
There are just so many elements to get right and in my language, just so many things that you can mess up while making it. My phobia stems from:
(i) The tea is either too strong or just too light (I have just no idea how the hell that happens considering I use the same measurement of 1 teaspoon of tea powder per cup I need to make, but it just never is just right!)
(ii) The tea has too much milk or too less (Well I understand how this happens, because I usually have to vary my milk quantity according to the color derived from my problem number 1)
(iii) The tea has too much sugar or is positively diabetic-friendly (Oh I am just so bad with this. Did I tell you about that one time when my mother in law had come over and I had enthusiastically made tea for her and my husband. My dear husband sat sipping it without one word – is it any wonder why I love him so much – and my mother in law just exclaimed – Sayali! You have put salt instead of sugar. Oh well, let’s just say I have enough material to build another article on the 10 – or 20 – most embarrassing moments of my life!)
By the way people, do please come visit me sometimes. A cup of my tea awaits you, after all, only practice makes perfect! And besides, I promise I have come a long way from that salt incident (I now keep my salt and sugar in color coded containers, so you are safe unless I just forget which color is what – devilishly twinkling eyes).
Lizards: They Make Me Scream
See, I Am So Petrified Of Them, I Couldn’t Even Put A Real Picture Here!
Let me start off by telling you that my fear of lizards dates back, long back, from much earlier than the release of ‘Ek Thi Dayan’, so no, I am not overtly superstitious. But yes, I do get scared of them, phenomenally scared, so much so that just writing about them has tweaked my heartbeats and kicked up my pulse.
I have a theory. I think that in my last birth I may have killed several lizards and now, it is their turn to take adequate revenge. You see, if there is a lizard in any room, it will always find a way to spotlight its presence when I am around. It might be a pet lizard for that household, staying there since the time the house was built but it will always find the opportune moment to make its presence known when I am in the vicinity.
You think I am exaggerating don’t you? But trust me, I am most definitely not! I have had lizards fall on me, jump on me, crawl menacingly towards me, look at me with voodoo eyes, scare the shit out of me by dropping their moving tails nearby, bully me by sheer presence and blow off my living daylights by running towards me at top notch speeds when I am least expecting it!
If any day you find me somewhere screaming at the top of my voice (using the very last ounce of energy that my voicebox could use), then jumping up and down as if something is all over me (even if it is really not) and then crying for about 10 minutes and then crying again for about half an hour, you can very safely assume that I have just had an encounter with a lizard. I suggest you stay away and do not come to pacify me.
You will most likely get a smack in the head if you tell me even once that ‘its ok Sayali, it was just a tiny little lizard’ and you will most definitely be ripped apart of you tell me ‘ relax Sayali, it is good luck if a lizard falls on you’. Yes, I have had my fair share of those as well.
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